26 April 2011

oh, inspiration

I posted on my Facebook that I needed some inspiration to blog about. After a few amusing comments from a few amusing friends, the song "Little Good-byes" by SHeDAISY came on my Pandora radio.

Oh, sweet beautiful inspiration.

At first I thought I was being told to blog about SHeDAISY, and the wonderful things that happened in my life from getting so into a song and a band (especially now that Kellie Pickler's "Best Days of Your Life" starts playing). But I do not think that that was what I was meant to get out of hearing that song (or this one now, either).
I think it means I am supposed to move. The last few days and weeks I have been thinking about moving and starting over. Again. And trying to redefine myself, because I find that I do not like the person that people think I am here.

When I lived and worked in Tennessee, I was told that I was too nice. I needed to toughen up, be a boss, yada yada yada. That was probably the worst bit of advice I could have been given. I toughened up, and stopped taking so much crap at work. And now? Now I'm a bitch. Though I quite resent that. When guys at work are stern to get things done, they are assertive and good leaders; when women do it, we are bitches. This bothers me a lot. While I hardly think I am the biggest bitch in the world, it has caused me to get passed over for promotions. Twice. Though, they then hire people to fill those positions who would put Satan to shame.

Where was I going with this?

Oh yes, I need to go somewhere and start over. I love that feeling of moving somewhere new and not knowing anyone, and getting to start completely all over. I am thinking about going to Delaware or Maryland - somewhere close enough to still be close to home, but far enough to get to visit even less than I do now. Then there's always my idea of going back to Tennessee. Maybe Kentucky. Perhaps the midwest somewhere. I just know that I am getting really burnt out where I am, and that it is time to move on.

Is it weird that I do not establish roots anywhere?

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