10 May 2012

more on moving on

Next week, I am going to Maryland to look at houses or apartments, and to decide if moving there is really my next step or just some illusion I have in my head. Please let it be my next step. I have it worked out in my mind so nicely.

My friends here seem to think I was kidding when I said I was hoping to move in the next few months. That is, until I posted on facebook trying to sell my furniture so that I have less to take with me. No, seriously. I am trying to move. The sooner, the better. I need a change so badly. And New Jersey has taught me everything it needed to: how to drive, how to get over someone, how to have really genuinely amazing best friends, how to know when it's time to give up trying to please those who don't really matter anyway. These have probably been the best three and a half years of my life, along with some of the worst and hardest times I have ever experienced. One of my best friends (who is a gypsy at heart like me) told me I would know when it was time to move on. I didn't believe him. Until, I just knew that it was time to move on.

So far, several people have tried to convince me to stay. For what, I wonder? Do they realize how hard I struggle every month to pay bills? Do they realize how lonely I am, even though I have friends around? Do they realize that I love my job and will never advance in it if I stay where I am? Or that I really think I am meant to live in the south (even if Maryland isn't exactly as far south as I think I am meant to end up eventually).

Ironically, the two best friends I have made since coming here are the only two who are not really arguing with me about my plans. Funny how that works.

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