27 April 2014

No More

It seems as though this ad campaign has been around for a while, but I only saw it for the first time (and second. and third) tonight while I was watching Law & Order: SVU. I am not really sure why I am able to watch this show, since it hits awfully close to home sometimes (though maybe that is the very reason that I CAN watch it).

Seeing this commercial made me want to hold my head a little higher. It made me happy that I have always been so open about my assault. It made me angry at the police who told me that prosecuting would be next to impossible since "Well, you WERE kissing him..." It made me resent the State of Tennessee and their laws that said that a rape victim must pay for their own rape kit - as if we hadn't already paid enough (this law has since been changed. Welcome to the 21st century, State of Tennessee). It made me sad since I had heard after my rape that he had raped another. Sad that there was nothing I could do to protect her, this nameless, faceless woman. It made me proud of the speech I stood up and gave in my sociology class, even though I couldn't get through it without crying. It made me grateful for my brave, beautiful friends who have talked to me about their assaults, after not talking about what they'd been through. It made me feel lucky, to have come out on the other side mostly unharmed.

But mostly, it made me feel a little less alone. And a little more like my voice matters, and my fight counts, and what little bit I have done to be a tiny voice in this cause has maybe meant something. Maybe not to the world, but to one or two people. And maybe that's enough.


  1. I've always thought you were incredibly brave for sharing as much and as openly as you have.

    1. Thanks. I think it was my way of helping myself to heal. Plus, there's just no shame in it. I did nothing wrong. Why should I be ashamed? The son of a bitch who did it? HE should be ashamed.

      I think the reason I was so open (in the great scheme of the universe) was that my openness allowed some people I met to come out about what had happened to them, even if just to me, to stop carrying it all on their own, so that they could start to heal. Maybe that's why it happened to me - to help others. I just wish I could have helped the girl it happened to after me. Took me a while to stop blaming myself for not trying harder to get him prosecuted. But really, I was young, I didn't know, and the cops told me it was a waste of time. So now... I blame them.