07 May 2011

Mother's Day

I kinda of hate Holidays - especially things like Mother's Day. It reminds me of how much I miss my mom, and of things that she won't be there for. Like how I didn't have my mom to see me graduate high school, or to talk to the first time I fell in love, or to see me go back to college, or well, anything. She'll never see me have children (if I ever do), or see me get married. She'll never know my sweet little nieces, and only got to be around for the first four years of my nephew's life.

I really wonder if part of the reason that I am so anxious to start a family is to make up for the things that I am missing with my own mom. As if it is somehow going to bring her back, even though I know that is ridiculous.

Sometimes, I really resent people who have living mothers. It makes me so angry sometimes. Like when I see women who are in their fifties or sixties whose moms are still alive. And a lot of them seem to have no idea how lucky they are. I'd give anything to be able to see my mom again, even if it meant I was "burdened" with caring for her as she grew older.

1 comment:

  1. now its my turn to beat your ass for making me cry =(.. i wish i could bring your mom back for you sid, seriously. i can't imagine what you go through on holidays, or any other day. i'm absolutely positive that your mom is looking down on you and is damn proud of the daughter she raised. she's probably talking God's ear of right now, about her daughter. i love you sid, you know if you need anything, esp tomorrow, call me, text me, i'm here