30 June 2011

the waiting game

I am beginning to wonder if there are some people in the world who are just not meant to know what it is like to be happy. And, if there are, am I one of those people? Being on cloud nine this weekend and the last two days or so quickly changed when he told me there's someone else. Not that he is with someone else exactly. But that there is someone else from the dating site. And that he does not know what to do about it, because he can not seem to choose who or what he wants.

You know what? I respect that. I respect that he was honest, that he did not continue to play me and someone else. But the thing is - that doesn't make it any less painful.

So, I am sitting here wondering what to do. When we talked last night (via text and instant messenger), I told him that I was interested in him, that I wanted more than to just casually date him, and that I would give him some space to figure out what he wants. But now it's killing me. Why the hell should I let someone else have that kind of control over me? Why should I let him call the shots, and tell me whether or not he "picks me." This is such a crap deal! I don't want someone who has to think about whether or not they want to be with me, or if they like some other girl better. I want someone who knows that I'm the one, and who doesn't need some time to figure things out.

Take all the time you need. I don't think I will be here waiting for you when you get done.


  1. he is not calling the shots. You played your cards and that by no way means that the game is over. There are other cards available to play. Don't get hung up on two of a kind.... ♥

  2. Oh Vicki, your analogies made me smile. :)

    You are right. And we have talked, and are now more on the same page than we were before - this is good. I am trying not to put all of my eggs in one basket, or whatever the hell the saying is... :-P