01 January 2012

oh, 2012

Okay, obligatory "Happy New Year" post and all that.


I am not really sure why we all care so much to mark the end of the calendar year, and the beginning of a new one. I think perhaps we should use our own birthdays as more distinct markers for wanting things to change, and for making new resolutions. But, we don't. Maybe next birthday.


So, in typical everyone-else-is-doing-it fashion, here goes:


2011 kicked my ass. Absolutely kicked it. I was unemployed for several months, cheated on by a guy who I thought I was in love with, got traffic tickets, spent Christmas crying, had flashbacks to my rape that were worse than any I've ever had before. I was afraid of losing my apartment because I really just couldn't afford it anymore. My car acted up - a lot - and that made me nervous.


But... I learned a lot. I learned who my real friends are. I learned how to be stronger than I ever was before. I learned how to make decisions for me, and not for other people. I learned how to be happy to be alone and single, rather than staying with someone who was not good for me at all. I learned that you should never say "things can't get any worse." Because they always find a way to surprise you. I learned not to doubt God's plan for things, no matter how awful things may seem. I learned that really caring about people sometimes means being happy for them and their decisions even when it is really difficult. I learned that some people really just aren't worth wasting your time on, no matter how badly you want them to be. I learned that sometimes, the things you think that you want to be happy, are not the things that you need. I learned to be ballsy, to not care so much what other people think, and to be bold enough to be silly, to flirt, to meet new people.


Goals for this year? Get my associate's degree and get into a four-year college; give up soda and lose some weight; continue to be happy with being single; flirt a lot more; be ridiculously bold and upfront about what I want in relationships (working on that now); find what makes ME happy.

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