07 May 2012

I feel like I am leaping

Every morning this past week or so, I have woken up and asked myself if I am making the right decisions in my life - not necessarily because I do not think that I am, but because I have this awful habit of second-guessing every single little thing I do. And every morning, I think about it and realize that yes, I am making the right decisions. Life is going to be hard, and strange, and there are going to be moments in the next few months where I think that I have made the dumbest decisions of my life. But right now, I know for certain that I am making the decisions that need to be made.

I am waiting to hear back about a job I inquired about in Maryland. If all goes well, I will figure out the specifics of moving down there. I am currently in the process of figuring out what is and what is not worth hanging on to, what can be sold, what can be given away, what can just be thrown in the trash.

In two weeks, I am going to Maryland to look at houses or apartments (preferably houses. Would love something with a little fenced in yard for the dogs to play in. Poor things are cooped up in the apartment so much of the time, and have so much energy to burn).

My life right now is a lot different than I hoped it would be. I never pictured being twenty-eight, single, and so financially screwed that I spend oodles of time worrying about it. I am nowhere near being done with school, despite having the best of intentions to be done this semester or last. Things happened. Life got in the way and threw me some curveballs. Working thirty-five minutes from home and being made to work six days in a row for a few weeks exhausted me to the point that I became physically ill. I am trying to get back on track, to fix the things that need fixing. The decisions I am making at the current moment may not be the absolute best ones I could possibly make, but they will have to do for now. Until some wealthy benefactor comes along, or until my fairy godmother shows up and waves her wand to make it all better, I am going to have to do some things that are going to be really hard, and are going to test my heart and my mind. Here goes nothing.

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