04 July 2011

sweet motivation

Starting to see results after just one weekend is so damn encouraging. I am not supposed to be weighing myself daily (and I really need to stop), but I have already started to lose some weight. Just by cutting out soda, and substituting some crappy food for some healthier yummy food. I am not sure why it took me so long to get to this point, but I am glad that I am finally committing to this weight loss thing. I am so sick and tired of being the fat girl - or being told "you have a pretty face." While I think that people mean that as a nice thing, that's not how I take it. Just once, I want someone to tell me that I am pretty. Not just my face, but all of me.

The reason for all of this madness? I decided that one day, I want to get married. And on that day, I want to wear a dress, and I want to look beautiful. All of the people who I adore the most, who would likely be my bridesmaids, are beautiful and slender. And I think that on a girl's wedding day, she ought to be the most beautiful person in the room (not that I wouldn't want my girls to shine too, but it would be my day, dammit).

Also, I want to have kids one day, and I am starting to wonder if maybe part of the reason that I have not managed to get pregnant is that I am so overweight. And, going along with that - when I DO have kids one day, I want to be able to play with them, and not be that fat blob of a mom who sits on the couch eating all day. No, that will not be me. I don't want kids who are embarassed to bring their friends over, because their mom is so fat, or who get comments made about it. No, this cannot be me.

And so, I have set off on the great weight loss challenge of 2011-2012. And, I am actually enjoying the food. I forgot how much I loved cottage cheese. And cooking dinner at home has turned out to be fun. Donnie and I are going to plan menus for two weeks in advance, and then plan who is cooking, based on our work schedules. Most of what we make will be made healthier (using leaner meats, or lower-fat cheeses, etc). But even if I eat a "normal" meal, I will just eat it in moderation. Since I am eating such healthy breakfasts, lunches, and snacks, splurging a little bit on dinner shouldn't kill me.

Yesterday, I was messing around on Davidsbridal.com. Because, well, I'm a girl, and I like to play on sites with pretty dresses. Well, they have this really cool feature where you can dress your wedding party, and you pick your dress, the groom's tux, bridesmaid dresses, etc. Well, yesterday, for the first time, I was playing on it, and didn't make myself the fat bride. Instead, I made myself the normal-sized bride. I think that for the first time in my life, I realize that I do not have to be the fat bride, the fat friend, the fat whatever. I CAN lose this weight (though I will never be a stick figure - it's just not in my genes), I CAN look good, and I CAN, one day, have a man tell me that I'm beautiful, and that he's never seen anyone more beautiful in his life.

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