19 September 2011

love complications

I am fairly certain that my brain has never been this much of a scrambled mess of emotions before. Ever.

This weekend, I have bounced back and forth between excitement, love, hope, fear, resentment, anger, pain, sadness, worry, jealousy, guilt, shame. You name it, I probably felt it. In fact, I am pretty sure that I am still feeling every single one of those emotions right now, at this very moment.

This weekend taught me - more than ever - that men and women think and act in two very different ways. What I think is implied in a conversation and what a man thinks can be complete polar opposites. I also learned that if I am ever in another relationship, I am going to be incredibly guarded, not have sex until I know that this is the one (wasn't that my goal this time?! OOPS), and never admit to falling in love, because it really messes things up.

I have asked around about how other people would feel in my shoes with everything that is going on. They seem to think that second chances and new beginnings seem like the path I ought to take. I agree. I just pray that I am not too damaged at this point. I am really starting to wonder what I want out of life, what I am okay with, what I will settle for, etc. Oy. Not ready for all of this. Feel like my brain may explode.

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