23 April 2014

Routines and control

As a general rule, I am a pretty laid-back, easy-going person. I can usually adapt very easily to change, to not knowing what's happening next, to the absolute unexpected. I've had fifteen addresses in eleven years - change is my life.

I'm finding though with this new fitness/healthy eating kick, I have a much harder time dealing with change and the unknown.

Yesterday, my roommate and I had to run an errand for him, and on the way home, we decided to stop and have an early dinner. I looked up places to eat in the general area (a town I'm not super-familiar with, except that my dearest friend here lives there, so I've been a few times). I was told to pick what I wanted, so I opted for Ruby Tuesday's. I could eat a salad, and control exactly what I was eating. They have THE BEST salad bar. When we got there, we realized that either the Ruby Tuesday's doesn't exist yet, or it's gone, or it's under renovation. Either way, the building was empty, the sign was gone, and there were construction crews. There was a Red Lobster in the same parking lot, so the roommate decided we should eat there instead.

I have never been so disappointed to end up at a Red Lobster. I had no idea what to eat that wouldn't throw off my entire day/week/month. I ended up ordering something that I assumed would be decent for me, until I remembered I could use my smart phone to look up nutrition information, and realized I should have ordered something else. I also wasn't thinking AT ALL about what I'm supposed to be eating, and ordered something that's covered in cheese (I am trying to cut dairy out of my life, because I think it is aggravating the rosacea that I've had my entire life). I was also completely thrown off when my salad arrived at the table and it already had dressing on it. I hadn't specified that I wanted dressing on the side, but just assumed that it came that way. When my meal came and I realized it was drenched in cheese, I was thrown off. I mean, that was my fault for not thinking, and for forgetting about my attempt to cut out cheese. But it still threw me off. I scraped off as much as I could. I only ate half of my meal (I did feel stuffed after it) and only picked at my salad, mostly from the bottom where I could find bits that weren't absolutely drenched in dressing).

Being uncomfortable in food situations is what led me to an eating disorder years ago. I need to work better on coping with situations that I am put into. I mean, I ate. But boy did I feel guilty afterwards! I figured the day was lost. I also did less on my exercise bike yesterday than I did the day before by a long shot (8 total miles yesterday vs 30 the day before - but the 30 was a huge day for me!). I felt like the day was an absolute loss, and counted it as a cheat day that I don't intend to repeat again any time soon.

And then I stepped on the scale this morning. And found that I still somehow managed to drop another pound between when I weighed yesterday and today. So, lost day? Apparently not. I need to really just let go of all of my crazy thoughts about food and just enjoy things - in moderation - without freaking out about them.

5 comments :

  1. Firsty, your blog updates look great and finally you have a PICTURE! I think it is completely ok to take a day off once in a while, because it makes you realize how shitty it makes you feel. Also I know moderation is huge and it seems that's what you did. You did good, sid!

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    1. Thanks! Yeah, I figured it was about time to add a photo to the page. This layout also came with an ADORABLE header that I want to use, but I have no graphic editing software at all on this computer (a loaner from my roommate), so I can't add my blog title to it. When I get around to finding a way to do it though, I will. Then I'll be super-excited about my blog! :)

      And yeah, days off are fine... it's just so hard not obsessing over every little thing, because that's what I usually do when it comes to dieting/trying to lose weight. So hard to sit back and tell myself that it's okay. I find myself planning out meals (I was planning lunch as I ate breakfast) so that I DON'T cheat/overeat/do anything crazy... so something screwing up my routine can really mess up my whole day and mindset. It's annoying.

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    2. Nevermind. I found a layout with a header that I liked better, so I changed to that. :D

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  2. Okay, I think I may have figured out how to comment here. Now that my freaking comment got eaten alive. Haha.

    Anyway, we all have days where we don't do as well as we think we should. I don't know much about eating disorders, but I do remember you having a difficult time with them and I know that they are never easy to overcome. So, being aware of what we're eating can cause some people to slip back into those old habits. I have kind of the opposite problem where I pretty much ate whatever and now that I'm aware, if I screw up, I think, "well geez, I can't do this, guess I should give up and just eat whatever again", no matter how long I've been doing well.

    I guess the lesson we both need is to not beat ourselves up if we have a cheat meal once in a blue moon! It's hard thought!

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    1. I've gone through that as well. The last time I tried to lose weight, I lost twenty pounds, had a slip-up day or two, and then was like "screw this. I'm done." It also didn't help that someone was a real jerk to me about it. It was just really dumb. But now, I don't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks. ;)

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