As a general rule, I am a pretty laid-back, easy-going person. I can usually adapt very easily to change, to not knowing what's happening next, to the absolute unexpected. I've had fifteen addresses in eleven years - change is my life.
I'm finding though with this new fitness/healthy eating kick, I have a much harder time dealing with change and the unknown.
Yesterday, my roommate and I had to run an errand for him, and on the way home, we decided to stop and have an early dinner. I looked up places to eat in the general area (a town I'm not super-familiar with, except that my dearest friend here lives there, so I've been a few times). I was told to pick what I wanted, so I opted for Ruby Tuesday's. I could eat a salad, and control exactly what I was eating. They have THE BEST salad bar. When we got there, we realized that either the Ruby Tuesday's doesn't exist yet, or it's gone, or it's under renovation. Either way, the building was empty, the sign was gone, and there were construction crews. There was a Red Lobster in the same parking lot, so the roommate decided we should eat there instead.
I have never been so disappointed to end up at a Red Lobster. I had no idea what to eat that wouldn't throw off my entire day/week/month. I ended up ordering something that I assumed would be decent for me, until I remembered I could use my smart phone to look up nutrition information, and realized I should have ordered something else. I also wasn't thinking AT ALL about what I'm supposed to be eating, and ordered something that's covered in cheese (I am trying to cut dairy out of my life, because I think it is aggravating the rosacea that I've had my entire life). I was also completely thrown off when my salad arrived at the table and it already had dressing on it. I hadn't specified that I wanted dressing on the side, but just assumed that it came that way. When my meal came and I realized it was drenched in cheese, I was thrown off. I mean, that was my fault for not thinking, and for forgetting about my attempt to cut out cheese. But it still threw me off. I scraped off as much as I could. I only ate half of my meal (I did feel stuffed after it) and only picked at my salad, mostly from the bottom where I could find bits that weren't absolutely drenched in dressing).
Being uncomfortable in food situations is what led me to an eating disorder years ago. I need to work better on coping with situations that I am put into. I mean, I ate. But boy did I feel guilty afterwards! I figured the day was lost. I also did less on my exercise bike yesterday than I did the day before by a long shot (8 total miles yesterday vs 30 the day before - but the 30 was a huge day for me!). I felt like the day was an absolute loss, and counted it as a cheat day that I don't intend to repeat again any time soon.
And then I stepped on the scale this morning. And found that I still somehow managed to drop another pound between when I weighed yesterday and today. So, lost day? Apparently not. I need to really just let go of all of my crazy thoughts about food and just enjoy things - in moderation - without freaking out about them.