31 Days of Self Love - Day 22

What things make you feel bad, but you find yourself doing them anyway? I was originally going to say "going to work..." as kind of a joke, but I realized that since my anxiety calmed down, that isn't even true.

It's going to sound crazy, but "having a lazy day." The old me was full of lazy days, which inevitably would make my depression worse. The less I do, the less I feel good about myself or my life, the more anxious I would become, and the more depressed I would get. The difference is, the old me didn't know how to snap out of it. Now, when I tell myself that I deserve a day to hang out, be lazy, do nothing, I find myself completely regretting it by about noon. The truth is, the harder I push myself, the better I feel about myself. Now, that doesn't mean I need to push myself to run all over the place and change the world - but I do genuinely feel better when I accomplish something during the day these days. I spent my Saturday off this past weekend cleaning the house. I scrubbed toilets, swept and mopped floors, vacuumed, did so many loads of laundry - and I felt amazing. I felt so good, in fact, that when the boyfriend got home at night, I was ready to keep going and get more accomplished. Can we clean this? Can you help me move this? I would have happily gone into the basement and rearranged clutter. I would have pulled all of the cardboard from the burn pile and shoveled a path outside to the burn pile - I had that much energy, just because I didn't rest during the day. Yesterday? I napped. And I felt like a pile of garbage by the time evening rolled around. 

It's funny - sometimes I feel like I deserve a rest, but they only serve to make me feel worse. Perhaps I just need a rest from the outside world - from people, from other peoples' problems, from trying to save the world. Perhaps my rest days just need to involve cleaning the house, never sitting down, and making my home a better place.