What does your support system look like? How can you make it stronger? Why does this one hit me so hard? I feel like I'm not even sure what my support system looks like. I mean, my friends at work keep me from going crazy most of the time (I mean, I usually go crazy anyway, and they're just there kind of egging on my craziness, and telling me why my craziness is valid at any given point). My boyfriend offers help and support when I really need it. And I do have a handful of friends who are there when I need them - but by text or call or Facebook message. It really is tough to realize that your core group of friends are all between 3 and 5 hours driving distance away from you. Really tough.
A lot of times, I actually feel like I have to deal with everything on my own. There's not really anyone around who understands the whole big picture of my anxiety, my depression, and that little bit of crazy in there. No one has been around long enough to remember who I was before all of this. No one has been around long enough to remember the pre-broken version of me, or what I was like before it felt like all of the pieces had fallen apart and been strewn about.
I guess what bothers me is that the people I think should be my biggest supporters are hardly even there for me. It's taken me a long time to try to deal with that - and I guess from the way I'm walking about it, I never really dealt with it, since it still bothers me. I find myself often jealous of people who have these big, loving, supportive groups around them, while I sit here never sure who to turn to when I really need someone. I'm not going to lie - it's tough. I realize, though, that I need to just sort of suck it up and get over it. It takes the credit away from those who really are there for me. It takes away from those few people who do stick around when the going gets tough. Those who have stuck around really are amazing...
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