31 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 09

Today, I get to write about my pet peeves!

I am surprised that I can't come up with more, but I really just have one major one: people who are closed-minded. Most of the time that I really rant on here, that is what it is about. I feel like so many people are so set in their own convictions (which can be a good thing, of course - it's awesome to feel strongly about something, and I don't want to take that away from anyone!) that they can't even see a little bit why someone else might feel differently.

I feel like I am constantly surrounded by people who are so very dead-set on their own ways that they refuse to see what is right in front of them, and alienate people who have just-as-valid reasons for believing what they do, for feeling how they feel, for wanting what they want.

Even being the middle-man is tough! When you try to rationally get someone to see the other person's side, you're accused of siding with that person, with supporting that person's interests, with being on the wrong side (how is one side wrong or right? They're opinions!). Managing to be empathetic is a chore when both sides are fighting you.

I wish people could just open their minds... even just a little... that is literally my one pet peeve.

Oh, and people who use the wrong your/you're or there/their/they're. Obviously that trumps all other pet peeves in the world. ;)

My letter to the ladies on The View

I posted this originally on the Facebook page for the ABC show "The View." The odds of it ever getting seen by any of the panel are slim-to-none, but I wanted to share it here as well, so that I could keep a copy of it on my blog.


Dear ladies of The View,

First, let me start with a confession: I haven't watched "The View" regularly for years - I mean YEARS. Like, the Debbie Matenopoulos days, when I was in high school and would watch the show in the summer or on snow days with my mom - and my extent of seeing anything from it is occasionally catching a snippet someone shared on Facebook, or when YouTube recommends that I watch some clip. I am saying that to tell you that I have NO IDEA what the panel says on the show regularly. I have no idea what political statements are being made (though I do realize which side of the political fence the panel members generally fall on). I have no honest idea if you are saying things nicely and kindly, or if you are spewing hateful rhetoric - because I honestly am not a regular viewer.

I just wanted to let you all know (in the off-chance that any of you actually see this) that some of us are out here, trying so hard to defend the truth. We are trying so hard to squash the clearly-photoshopped shirts, the clearly false tweets, the completely inaccurate articles from "news" sources that are far from reputable. But our voices are tiny, and they don't carry over the screams of those who don't care that what they are saying is false, because it falls into their agenda.

Please know that this doesn't mean I am taking some side, that I am some anti-conservative vigilante attacking Republicans on social media. The truth is, I am very much a middle-of-the-road-gal. I sit here in the middle seeing good and hope on both sides, but also seeing the hypocrisy, the awfulness, and the worst in humanity - on both sides. I will provide sources if someone posts something fueling their far-left agenda that doesn't sound right as well. I am far from political - but I can tell when something just doesn't sound right, and I can use google to validate my concerns, or to sometimes be surprised when the things that sounded a little bit crazy really were true.

Please just know that some of us are out here trying to be the peace, be the voice of reason, be the good change in the world... our voices just can't carry over the noise. I feel like a Who on Horton's dust speck these days, but still I shout - I am here, I am here, I am here.

30 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 08

Three things you want to say to different people...

I sit here debating whether I should do this anonymously, or be bold and open about it... I started writing, though, and I think for the sake of the people involved at least one of them, I should keep identities out of it. If you feel as though these apply to you - perhaps they do. Also, I sat and sat and sat, and tried to think of a third person, but I couldn't think of anyone that I really needed to say something to. You get two, dear readers... only two.

Person #1: I am so proud of you. I think you doubt yourself more than you should, but I really think you are doing an amazing job at everything. I know you feel overwhelmed, and like you are drowning sometimes. I know you get lonely. I know you wonder if you are enough for your son... but you are. You are so very enough. That little boy is going to grow up knowing that his momma cared, that she worked hard to make sure he had everything he could ever need, that she put her own life on the back burner so many times to make sure that he came first. You've always, even before he came along, doubted yourself - and trust me - I get it. But you are so much better than you give yourself credit for. You are doing great - take a moment now and then to admit that to yourself - you deserve it. When you have bad days, just remind yourself that you are awesome. You are doing so much right. Let the bad days come, and then attack the next day with your amazing self. You've got this. I am so very proud to be your friend.


Person #2: To say that I am disappointed in you would be a gross understatement. I remember when I was a kid, that I wanted to be just like you. Now? I barely want to associate with you. I don't know what happened to you, or why you turned out the way you did, but the version of you that I used to know was so much better than this. I know you have issues (we all do!), but maybe it's about time you learn to deal with your issues. Talk to someone. Talk to us. We get it. We have issues, too - I promise. You have so many good things going for you in your life, and people have gone out of their way to make so many things so much easier for you, but sometimes I think what you really need is just a good swift kick in the ass. I know you can't get better until you admit that you have problems - and there is no shame in that. We'll all be here when you're ready to deal with those problems. Just stop treating the world like shit in the meantime - we didn't do this to you. Do you think we can't tell that something is wrong? Do you think that we can't see it every day? We know. You just need to admit it now, and work on getting better. My biggest fear for you is that you will look back one day and realize you messed up a lot of things, and caused a lot of pain, and by then it will be too late to fix it. Some things just aren't going to be reparable, and I sincerely hope that you can figure this all out before it's too late.

29 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 07

Do you read? What are your favorite books?

This question actually makes me sad. I used to read so much when I was younger - I was always the girl in school with a book in my hand, just reading for the fun of it. I somehow never find the time to really read anymore (I feel like I have some adult form of an attention deficit disorder, because I just can not seem to sit down and let myself read - or any other still, quiet activity - for any period of time anymore). I obviously need to remedy this, and grab some books to read over the summer - perhaps while sitting by the community pool.

My favorite books as a teen were "To Kill a Mockingbird" and "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn." I feel the need to re-read both of them, though, as I feel that there was probably so much that I missed or just didn't pick up on as an immature thirteen year old.

In semi-recent years, I binge read all of John Green's books. I was curious about "The Fault in Our Stars" since everyone seemed obsessed with the movie, so I read the book, and then grabbed his three other books and read those as well. "Paper Towns" and "Looking for Alaska" were my favorites, and "The Fault in Our Stars" was actually my least favorite.

Jodi Picoult is amazing, and I have loved everything of hers that I have read. "Keeping Faith" is probably my favorite, with "My Sister's Keeper" also being high on the list (though that movie made me angry, and I still don't forgive them for ruining the ending).

I am currently working on "The Princess Saves Herself in This One" by Amanda Lovelace. It's a book of poetry, and I made it halfway through in one sitting, but had to sit it down and haven't gone back to it to finish it as of yet. Too many things really affected me, and I needed a break. The trigger warning at the beginning of the book was spot-on, and I found myself feeling broken a few times through the first two chapters. I love it, and the way it speaks to me is amazing - but I needed a break, and some time before I start reading the rest, because I have no idea what else to expect.

My favorite children's book is "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein. I don't care who you are, or how old you get... that book is classic, and magic, and sad. As an adult, I would still re-read it and shed tears...

I would love recommendations for some books that are fairly easy-reads that don't require a ton of deep thinking that I could pick up to read at the pool this summer. Nothing smutty or anything - just something that I can read while getting some sun.

28 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 06

What band or musician is most important to you?

Oh, 30 day challenge... I think you are trying to kill me here! How am I supposed to narrow this down to just one? You're going to get three instead...

SHeDAISY. These girls are what sort of catapulted the whole "love for country music" thing. I loved country before - don't get me wrong - but this was the dawn of the whole online revolution, and teenage me who was awkward and weird and didn't really have many friends spent a lot of time online. I stumbled across a SHeDAISY message board (who remembers message boards? They were great) where I ended up meeting some awesome fellow SHeDAISY fans - some of whom I am still in touch with, close to twenty years later! The best part was that the girls of SHeDAISY were so in touch with their fans then, and they were online talking to us, responding to our emails, making us feel like we mattered so much. They were my first concert ever, and spoiled me (getting me snuck into the 21+ club when I was seventeen, dedicating a song to me, letting me come backstage and meet them). They might not be around much on the music scene now, but I would be crazy not to mention them and the way they changed my life. They were there for me when my mom died - and I don't mean in that traditional "oh, I listened to their music a lot during that time and it helped me cope..." kind of way. Literally, the morning of my mom's death there was an email from Kristyn in my inbox. These girls were the best. Songs you should check out: Little Good-byes. Mine All Mine

Emerson Drive. Oh man, these guys! I never really cared about them either way, but thought "I Should be Sleeping" and "Fall Into Me" were pretty decent songs. My friends took me to see them when we were visiting Nashville, at the Wildhorse Saloon. Yeah, they were good... but as a general rule, I am more into female voices. Then my friends took me to see them again in Lowville, New York. Definitely a little more hooked at this point... when that fall came, and I was away at college in Philadelphia (and so were my then-besties, at another college in the city) I mentioned to them that if the guys were ever local again, I'd love to go see them again. "Oh, how about Charlotte, NC and Birmingham, AL?" "I said local! Are you crazy?! But yeah I want to go!" In early November I made that trek with them, and would continue to ride along to concerts with them all over the eastern United States for several years. I think that last count, I had been to somewhere around eighty Emerson Drive shows. I only ever saw them with the lineup pictured, though it's not the same anymore. After Patrick died, I believe I only saw them one more time - where all of us bawled during "Moments" sitting in the front row, trying so hard not to look at Brad. To me, these guys were so much fun. They were goofy on and off stage, and just good, decent guys to follow. It only took Brad fifty shows or so to learn my name - which he still never called me - but man were they fun! Songs you should check out: I Should Be Sleeping. You Still Own Me. Moments

Thom Shepherd and Coley McCabe. These two are the only artists I have made any attempt to see since moving away from Nashville ten years ago (other than two or three Little Big Town shows). I met Thom back in 2003 (how has it been that long?!) at an event I was co-hosting in Nashville. I loved the songs he performed, and I checked out a few of his other gigs that week. The next year when I was in Nashville again, I made it a point to see him again and much to my surprise, he remember who I was. I would hit a show or two of his every year to say hi, and was always impressed with him, his music, and his super-welcoming personality. I had known who Coley was since 1999, when SHeDAISY's first album came out - she was a co-writer on their first album - and remembered her putting out a music video in 2001 or 2002, but other than that, I never heard anything else about her, until one day a couple of years ago, I saw a picture of her and Thom Shepherd together. I was probably stupid-giggly when I met Coley for the first time, at a show with Thom in Maryland in May 2013 (I think it was 2013 - it may have been 2014?). I have since seen them together several times, and will always make the trek to go see them, and show up in random places where they aren't expecting me. I drove to Michigan once to see them (my second Coley show!) and laughed because Thom asked what I was doing there, and Coley remembered who I was. I am always impressed with their songs, their stories, and just their amazing sweet and welcoming spirit. Not only do they always seem happy to see me, they always remember my friends that I drag along to shows, and my friends leave feeling welcomed and loved, too. Songs you should check out: Sand in Her Shoes. I'm With U. Forever Home

27 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 05

Today, I am going to talk about five places that I want to visit. This is tough for me - I want to visit everywhere. To make it easier, I am going to limit my list to places within the United States that I would like to visit - I know there is a great big wonderful world out there, but there is also so much to see right here in my own country, and I kind of want to do that first (or at least chip away at these places first!).

After writing my list, I realized that only one of my must-see places is a city - the rest are wild, and free, and full of natural beauty. I think this probably says a lot about who I am. Also, I have visited so many awesome places already, in case you're wondering why a lot of cool spots didn't make the list. I think I will have to sit one day and make a list of places I have already visited that I would love to get to again.



The Grand Canyon. I feel like this one is on most peoples' lists, and it really should be. I have heard that there is something amazing and awe-inspiring about actually just standing there at the edge, and taking in all of the beauty. I want to stand at the edge, with no distractions - no cell phone, no camera, no attempt to get the perfect shot. I just want to be for a while, and take it all in.



Austin, Texas. I have been told that this would be an amazing city for me to check out. I love country music, but the current state of country radio makes me sad. I would love to be in a city where I can hear things that actually sound like country music, and not some over-produced attempt to sell more records. I want to visit dive bars and hear people I have never heard of sing their stories.



Acadia National Park. I have been wanting to get to this Maine spot for a few years, but I have just never gotten quite that far (I just hang around the Kittery area when I pop into Maine). I have this crazy need to see a moose, and I think that perhaps I could actually catch a glimpse of one out in the wild, doing moosey things if I made it up to Acadia. Maine is AMAZING in general, and I highly recommend it to everyone!



Alaska. I don't even have a certain part of Alaska that I would like to visit - I just want to go there, in general. Everyone else I know wants to go to Hawaii, but if I am going to hop out of the forty-eight contiguous states, I am definitely going to go to Alaska first! I would particularly love to do an Alaska cruise!



Yellowstone National Park. Another spot that my nature-and-animal-loving self would love to see. Bears, wolves and buffalo living out in the wild, being as natural as they can be with annoying tourists like me looking at them all day. Plus, the scenery?! It looks absolutely stunning! 

26 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 04

I've somehow always mean to write about it, but never actually sat down and got around to it - today, I get to tell you about the meaning behind my blog name!

I am going to admit that I am super-boring, and the name for my link - twentysixx - is only because 26 is my favorite number, but spelling the link as twentysix was already taken. I often feel like it looks like one of those obnoxious links, where people throw in unnecessary X's for attention no reason. I somehow never managed to have a username with obnoxious extra X's, through all of my AIM and Yahoo Messenger days (am I aging myself right now? I am getting up there....) but ended up with one now.

"Feels Like Home To Me" (which I later shortened to just "Feels Like Home" (but I used "Home to Me" back in my Livejournal days) is a name that I have loved for what seems like forever! When I realized that I could take a handful of my favorite songs and use them to make a username? I was obsessed. The phrase Feels Like Home/Home To Me was ripped from a bunch of songs that I love, so I will include a snippet of lyrics, and a link to a video of each song if I can find one.

Firstly, "Home to Me," written by Thom Shepherd and Memarie Gayle. You can hear this song on Thom's "Tonkyhonk" album. Thom sent me the lyrics to this song (and later a demo recorded by Brad Cotter and Jenny Farrell) years ago. It's one of my favorite Thom songs ever - despite never getting to hear it live. I think it has a special place in my heart because Thom and Memarie met at an event that I co-hosted with some friends.

How did we get so lucky? All I have to be is me and you still love me. You're my friend, you're this ring, honey you're my everything. But most of all, you're home to me.

 I feel like the song that is most often stuck in my head with my beloved phrase in it would be Chantal Kreviazuk's "Feels Like Home to Me." Undeniably a classic, which always reminds me of a road trip I took with my friend April back in 2008 or so, from Nashville to Gatlinburg, where she kept replaying bits of the song until I knew all of the words. Ten years later, and I still know all of the words, and love the song.
If you knew how lonely my life has been, and how long I've been so alone. If you knew how I wanted someone to come along and change my life the way you've done. It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me. It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from.
Blue County's "Sounds Like Home" gets me right in the feels every single time. Remember Blue County? They're the guys that brought you "Good Little Girls," and "Firecrackers and Ferris Wheels" several years back. I'm generally that girl that falls in love with the random song on the album that was never released as a single, and no one ever knows what I am talking about when I mention it. These guys were always a favorite of mine - I got to see them several times back in my concert-going-days, when I would road trip with girl friends nearly every weekend.
I hear the dancing of the raindrops while we tumble in the hay loft. I hear you laughing at my bad jokes and singing oh so sweet. I hear the creaking of a screen door, and bare feet on a wooden floor. But to hear you whisper my name is all I really need. Your voice sounds like home to me.
And of course, there is the always-amazing Little Big Town, with "Bring it On Home." I have adored these four since their first record deal, and mostly loved them during that in-between period when the four of them would drive themselves around in a white van to shows. I was there in the days when they would set up their own equipment, and Karen would belt out "Maybe it Was Memphis" for her sound check.  "Bring it On Home" has been one of my favorites for a long time. There is something so pure about their voices on this song. This, to me, is the Little Big Town I fell in love with all those years ago!
When your long day is over, and you can barely drag your feet. The weight of the world is on your shoulders, I know what you need - bring it on home to me.

 I now feel like I am drawing a blank, because I am almost positive that there was at least one more song with the phrase that I had drawn from. But this is why my username has been Feels Like Home or Feels Like Home to Me for several years. Music has such a huge piece of my heart, and I had to find a way to include it. Plus, getting to include some of my very favorite artists - and people - in a subtle way in my username made me so happy!

25 May 2018

What's Up Weekend? 05.25.2018

How has another week passed by already? How is it possible that it's Memorial Day weekend, when it feels like it was just Easter? Heck, it feels like I was just Christmas shopping. I swear - the older I get, the more time just zooms right past me - sometimes I really wish it would just slow down a little bit, because I am sure that I am missing something along the way. It's time again to link up with the lovely, talented, and kind folks from The Peaceful Posse Facebook group for the "What's Up Weekend?" link up.

This week was, much like last week, full of a lot of working! I get paid bi-weekly, and between the two weeks, I pulled thirty hours of overtime! I am very much looking to next Thursday's paycheck, and possibly paying some bills for the coming month a little early (or, of course, just treating myself to something fun and silly, just to pat myself on the back for working so hard these last two weeks). 

I received a pin at work this week as a little "thanks for helping out" incentive. I wrote a little bit about it this morning, and in the scheme of things, it really isn't a huge deal - but it's nice to be recognized. Kind words from the store manager and co-manager the last few days also helped me to feel like I was pretty awesome, so I am grateful for that. I have somehow felt better at work lately... like I somehow finally have it all figured out (despite being crazy-busy this week in our tourist-heavy store, and despite being sent out of the store several times). It just feels like something clicked lately, and it's cracking me up - just in time to change positions.

I felt really pretty after showering last night, so I took a selfie that I am kind of in love with. I have never been vain - in fact, I have always been very hard on myself, and swear that I am plain-looking at best. But then there are these rare moments, where I feel like I am not too bad, so I grab a few pictures while standing in front of the mirror. This was one of those nights.

I am off from work tomorrow - I'm kind of going to miss my Saturdays off when I switch to another department in a week or so, but from what I hear, I should be getting every other Friday/Saturday off, so that's kind of amazing. I am so looking forward to a summer with "weekends" off. The boyfriend works both of those days, and is off on Sundays - but this could allow me to plan little overnight trips with my girl friends, or other fun little outings. Plus, I am sure I will be able to grab one or both of my nieces some of those days, and either let them sleep over, or just pick them up early and make a day out of going to the gym or going for a hike, and then relaxing by the pool in my community (I want to spend so much time by the pool this summer - especially now that I am sixty pounds lighter than last summer).

I really am feeling overall happy lately, and I no longer have that constant "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling lurking about, reminding me that life could get bad any moment. I feel fine, and happy, and like I am figuring things out. Why did it take my thirty-four years?!

So happy to be linking up with Lindsay, Beth and Charlotte again this week, and being able to sit and reflect on happy, positive things!

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 03

Today I get to speak about my day, in great detail. I've done this one before, other than putting in extreme details about what I do at work, but I feel like extreme detail about my days would absolutely bore someone to death (it bores me just thinking about it!).

Instead, how about some details about yesterday. Of course, this does not include my entire day, but I'll give you some of the highlights.

My morning consisted of trying to clean up the freight that had been left for me from the night before (or, technically the night before that... though from what I gather, it had actually been there since the night before that, but c'est la vie). Going into Memorial Day weekend, my department is shaping up to be super busy these next few days (it's actually already started). One of my departments is the paper department, and things like cups, plates, and plastic cutlery are flying off of the shelf. Luckily my managers gave me some direction with where to go with some of these items to help take some of the pressure off, and I am looking at features of paper everywhere in my department. I feel like a good part of my day for these next few days is going to be filling them constantly.

When your store is right down the street from the world's largest indoor waterpark, you sometimes get special orders for large quantities of items for events that they are throwing. I somehow got in the middle of an order that wasn't being organized for them, grabbed the grocery manager to help me with it and to meet their representative, and took care of that. I actually felt like I was doing something important - not just taking care of a pretty big order that was bringing in a nice little chunk of money for us, but creating relationships with the people at the park to help with any future transactions. Getting a "thank you!" text from them later made my day! I am actually looking forward to working with them more in the future - I have fun doing things that are beyond the normal scope of my position.

In the afternoon, I called my vendor who takes care of the fish tanks. We sell live pet fish, but it's been a struggle keeping them alive, after some issues with the water in their tanks. I had to call the vendor that changes out the big filters to talk to them about coming out to clean so that I could get back into the business of selling fish (well... not me... because by the time they get out here to do it, I will be on my way out of the department... but the next person... the next person can sell fish...).

I was surprised toward the end of the day with a pin. The store gives out five each month to people who are "happy to help." I kept saying I should get one, mostly as a joke because I think the program is fairly silly for my own reasons... but I have never gotten any kind of recognition at work (despite being told for months that my department is so much better since I took it over, that I've done a good job to get certain things fixed, that I am great with customers...). I had joked about it so much that I guess someone finally said something to a manager, who decided I deserved a pin. As silly as I think the program is at times, I was actually really grateful to get a pin, finally, after being a pain in their side for such a long time. I mean... I might be a pain, and I might be obnoxious... but I am pretty much always the first person to help anyone in that building. And now I have a cute little pin to wear on my uniform to prove that.

On the way home from work, we stopped at my friend Trish's house to drop off a have-a-heart trap she had let me borrow when I was attempting to catch the mother of the kittens I caught. No such luck, of course, so I was done with the trap. I was hoping to meet Trish's new dog (or jokingly try to kidnap my favorite of her eight dogs), but she was super busy, so we will have to try that another day.

We came home to pet cuddles and kisses, and were invited to the neighbors' house this weekend for a get-together. I love that I live in a place with neighbors who I actually know (not super-well, mind you, but it's nice to go outside and actually speak to the neighbors, have them ask how you are doing, etc). Whenever we are outside working on anything, the neighbor always offers help - "what are you doing with the car? Can I help you?" Heck yeah you can! It's nice to know what we live in a place where not only is our neighbor friendly to us, but that he would probably be able to keep an eye on the house if anything was going on. I love my small-town Pennsylvania life!

I am gearing up right now for another day at work - day six in a row - but everything I do today is overtime, so I am not even stressing! I hope the store is super busy and that I get to spend tons of my day helping customers (who knew I was a people person?! When did that happen?!).

24 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 02

Today I get to write about ten likes, and ten dislikes. This ought to be fun. ;)

I'm going to start with my dislikes, because I would rather end on a positive note - and pick myself back up after thinking of ten things that I don't like.
  1. When people are loudly political, but can never give any proof or resources to tell you why their side is right. I'm all for "my opinion is..." but it bothers me terribly when someone states things as though they are fact, and then refuse to back it up, or tell you where they heard that, or in any way support their claims.
  2. Snakes. Yup, just going to put that there. Yes, I am referring to the slithering animals - not to people who act like snakes. Something about them just freaks me out, even though as a kid I used to be able to catch them in my yard. One day, my opinions on them just changed, and I find it hard to even look at them. That being said, I wish no harm on them - I just don't want them near me.
  3. When people refuse to fact-check things they share online. I've actually written about this on here before, but it annoys the heck out of me.
  4. Super cold weather.
  5. Super hot weather.
  6. People who are constantly negative. I get it - we all have bad days, and I sure have plenty of my own. But when people can not seem to find a single good thing in life ever, I just have to distance myself from them.
  7. Drinking. It just never appealed to me, really. I'll have an occasional wine cooler or some girly drink with umbrellas and fruity bits floating in it, but if I have a dozen drinks over the course of the year, it's been a big year.
  8. Particularly formal events. I don't own a little black dress, and the idea of dressing up, and going to an event that's fancy has no appeal to me. Jeans, a t-shirt, and sitting out on my deck or by a bonfire are just fine with me. I also have no desire to have my nails done, sport fancy hair dos, or wear cute shoes. No thank you - comfortable is more my style!
  9. Music with foul language. I can't even explain this one, but I will cuss like a sailor... but I have no desire to hear it in my music. Even I don't understand this about myself.
  10. New York City. I know I'll probably get a lot of nonsense for this, but I just don't see the appeal. It's too big for my tastes (but I love Philadelphia, Washington DC, and Nashville as far as cities are concerned). The idea of driving into NYC bothers me. There's nothing there I particularly need to be a part of, and it's only a little bit further of a drive for me to go to Philadelphia if I desire some hustle and bustle. I get strange looks when I admit that I do not, in fact, heart NY.
I like so many things... where do I even begin?!

  1. Country music from the 1990's and early 2000's. I feel like this will always be my go-to music, for as long as I live. While there is some music currently on the radio that I find myself enjoying, as a general rule, I think it all sounds the same these days. It's easy to tell what direction country music labels are going, and it makes me kind of sad, when I know so many wonderfully talented, unique artists. I miss being able to turn on the radio and know who was singing, even if I had never heard the song before.
  2. Zoos and aquariums! I know there is so much controversy over whether these are a good thing, and animals should be let to live in their natural habitats, but I still love a good zoo. I don't mean little roadside zoos with lions cooped up in 15x15 spaces with no room to run - I'm talking about places that do their best to give the animals an amazing life, with room to roam and plenty of enrichment. I'm talking about places with knowledgeable staff who can tell you about their animals. I love being able to get up close to animals that there is no way I would otherwise have a chance to see.
  3. Animals, just in general. I've spent most of my life living in areas where herds of deer roam across my yard, and I still get excited when I see them. Wild bunnies make me smile. Chipmunks are welcome little buddies in my yard. I swear I am like a child when it comes to seeing animals in the wild.
  4. My furry family, obviously. I am especially fond of my dogs - as annoying and untrained as they are - and I have a huge soft spot for cats that have any kind of special need (hence how I ended up with feline leukemia positive cats, a cat that can't walk in a straight line, a cat who's deaf, a cat with chronic breathing issues...).
  5. People who love animals. I have, in the last couple of years (particular since I started rescuing special needs cats) met some pretty awesome people who are involved in rescuing pets. It's such an awesome common ground to have with people.
  6. Walking! I never thought that I would like walking for pleasure, but I've fallen in love with it! Just me and the great outdoors... sometimes the dogs come along... sometimes I convince friends that being healthy is fun. There are a lot of really cool places to go walking in my general area, and just take in the scenery, and breathe in fresh air.
  7. "Parks and Recreation." I'm kind of obsessed (also with "The Office," to be fair) and will watch it repeatedly. Once I finish re-binging through it on Netflix, I start over again. I have zero attention span most of the time, and no desire to really watch anything that is going to require me to think, so my trusty old Parks & Rec saves the day, time and time again.
  8. Happy and inspirational quotes. I have a folder on my computer desktop, just chock-full of pretty words that I browse through when I need inspiration, particularly in the morning.
  9. Early mornings! I'm fairly certain that most of my co-workers think I am out of my mind when I am greeting them happily at seven o'clock in the morning with "good morning, sunshine!" Only one regularly growls at me, and one actually noticed that I stopped saying it for a while, and told me that she was sad that I didn't greet her with my normal morning greeting.
  10. Road trips! I love just getting in the car and going, especially with my girl friends, and especially when we have no real timeline to get anywhere, and are just enjoying each other's company, and stopping when we feel like stopping. I particularly love driving through New England.

23 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 01

While looking for things to write about on here (I am so bad about writing just to write, and unless something really sparks my passion, I know that my writing can be incredibly dull), I came across this image with thirty days worth of things to write about. Of course, I will have to amend a few (like the day I'm supposed to talk about my Tumblr name, I will obviously talk about my name on here). Disregard the handful of grammatical errors on this image... but it seemed like a nice little starting point for me to work on writing regularly.

So here we are, day one...

I already have an "about me" section on here, but let's do some more stuff! I'm a little pressed for time this morning, as I have to leave for work a little bit earlier than usual, so I will do this in bullet-form today.
  • I always swore I would never move back home to Pennsylvania, but came back a little over a year ago, and now I just wonder why I waited so long to make the move.
  • I am the youngest of four kids, and the others are all boys. My parents assumed I would be a boy, too, and never thought to pick out a girl name - I image a weird sort of chaos in the operating room (C-section baby! Woohoo!) when they realized they'd need to figure something out - I was given my mom's name.
  • My ultimate life dream is to own lots of property, with a modest home, and tons of room to rescue pets. The big ultimate dream includes having a sterile room for veterinary reasons, a barn so that I could rescue a horse or two, loads and loads of room for animals to run (I mean domesticated animals - I'm not looking to have a safari). My dream property is currently for sale, but they're asking $3.5 million, so I think I'll just have to hold off... since I have about $300 in my life savings at this point.
  • My life has been a crazy struggle of being depressed and anxious, and never even realizing this was a thing. I'm not diagnosed with anything, but I know that I have bad anxiety and depression issues (which I have, thankfully, been able to manage without medication at this point). I was at a point that it was bad, though... where I thought I'd have to be committed, and I didn't understand what was wrong with me. Once I did some research and figured out what was wrong, I was able to help myself to cope.
  • None of my best friends live close to me, and this always makes me pretty sad. Luckily, we find ways to get together at least once every year for a road trip, or meet halfway for a dinner or something else fun.
  • I'm very unorganized, but wish that I was one of those people who used planners, and had their lives together. I pretty much just wing it all of the time, and then remember things when I wake up in the morning (like the fact that I want to go my niece's play tonight).
  • I always did very well in school, but lacked ambition, and never knew what I wanted to be (asking a seventeen year old kid to know what they want to be when they're thirty seems a little crazy to me, but perhaps I'm alone in that), so I took time off after high school, then went to college, then left college to move... I need two classes for an associates degree in liberal arts, which would literally mean nothing... It took until I was thirty-four to have a concrete idea of what I want to do - but lack of finances are keeping me from that.
  • I haven't had cable in years, and watch whatever I can on Netflix and Amazon Prime. I mostly live on reruns of "The Office" and "Parks and Recreation," and I have no idea who any new/current celebrities are - and honestly, I feel that my life is just fine this way.
  • One of my goals in life is to be a writer in some aspect - even if it's just blogging about something and having a decent following. I love using words, and turning them into something. I'm pretty fascinated by the human mind and its ability to understand and learn language. 

21 May 2018

progress

I'm working on another week of long days and extra hours at work! I keep reminding myself when I am tired that it is all going to pay off in the end - partly through recognition, and partly through a nice fat paycheck I will get in a week and a half... money that I will attempt to squirrel away for a rainy day, or to pay off a bill to try to get ahead somewhere in my life.

My life is far from perfect, but things seem like they are starting to fall into place. I have rediscovered the place that feels like home, and I am working on creating the life that I want. Happiness seems real at this point. It feels concrete, and tangible, and attainable. 

I'm a better person that I was a year ago, and I am proud of that. I have so much further to go on my journey, as a person, as a worker, as someone working to lose weight - but I am so much further than I was. I have dropped weight, I have made smarter choices, I have learned to love to walk (and even started learning to jog - something that I never thought I had any desire to do in my life), I have become a better employee at my job, I have become a calmer person (even though it doesn't seem like it some days).

Every day is a test, to see what kind of person I will be.

Most days, I think I do pretty damn well.

20 May 2018

guns, kids, and frustration

I think that what scares me the most about Friday's school shooting is how little it affects me at this point. Another day, another school shooting. Another flood of well-intentioned thoughts and prayers. Another debate about what to do about guns. Another argument about whether we should change the world or let the world change us. Another march, another week of stories about funerals to prepare. Another argument between politicians on both sides about what needs to be done.

And then the world will go quiet about it.

And then it will happen again.

And we will scratch our heads, and we will mourn for the lives lost, and we will wonder what we each could have done to prevent something like that. And we will wonder why those kids? Why that town? Why did no one see it coming? Why did that kid have access to a gun?

And we'll throw around the blame. Someone was mean to that kid. Someone bullied him to the point of no return. He was mentally ill - how did his parents not know? How did his teachers not know? Did he play violent video games and listen to violent music? That must have been it, right? It must have been the video games, the angry screaming music, the bullying. It must have been whoever sold that gun to his parents.

We act as though acts of violence never happened before violent video games, before the internet, before some singer screamed some angry words. We forget that Hitler killed six million people and I doubt he ever played Mortal Kombat (you know - since it wouldn't be invented until decades after his demise). We act as though the Crusades never happened. We act as though a Pharoah didn't order the deaths of every male baby in his kingdom. We act as though white men didn't come to the now-United-States and slaughter innocent natives - all before video games, before angry music, before you could grab a gun at Walmart while you were picking up your eggs and milk. Stop blaming the current state of the world for this nonsense. It's been happening forever, just to varying degrees.

The world has been at war since the beginning of time, and we act as though we are surprised by acts of violence. Adults, who should be role models for these kids, are out fighting over oil, over land, over who had the right to a damn parking spot in a mall parking lot. People are getting shot over asinine bullshit out there in the real world, and you expect our kids to be better? You expect children, whose brains aren't fully developed to know better than you? To know better than the adults that are supposed to be teaching them right from wrong?

These shootings are a tragedy. Don't get me wrong - it is devastating that it keeps happening, that we can't get our heads out of our asses long enough to come together to try to make the world a better place for our next generation... that we use the loss of these babies to further our own political agenda (your political agenda is bullshit when a parent is burying their child). 

I don't have the solution. I don't know anything about anything.

I just know that babies are dying, at the hands of kids who don't know better, who aren't taught better, who may have something mentally wrong with them, or may just be asshole kids. And we can't figure it out for them. How many more will it take for us to finally figure it out? Stop fighting, and stand up and do something about it. Surely someone out there has an answer, if we'd just open up our minds and listen.

19 May 2018

What's Up Weekend? 05.19.2018

I decided to try to do this linkup this week, because I keep saying I am going to do one, and never get around to actually participating. The lovely folks at The Peaceful Posse are amazing, and I wanted to join them!



So, this is the time for me to share the awesome, positive moments that happened over the course of the week!

I was originally asked to work today, but we ended up getting more done in less time than anticipated, so I get to actually keep my Saturday off! While the money would have been nice, the day off will be even better.

On Wednesday, I got to see my beautiful niece, Scarlett, perform in her school's production of "Annie." It was sort of a play-meets-Spring-concert, and it was delightful. A lot of the kids had parts, and were in costume, while the rest of the fifth grade class made up the chorus. The characters would sing their song, and then the entire class would sing the song. My niece had a part - she was a Boylan sister and got to sing "You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile" with two other girls. They were AWESOME. All of the kids were awesome - there is so much talent in her class. I have a feeling that the next seven years are going to be filled with plays and concerts featuring these awesome kiddos. My nieces are both super-talented, and confident, and just lovely little people. They both seem to have a better sense of who they are as people at eleven and fifteen years old that I had when I turned thirty. I hope they continue to shine in every single thing they do. Proud aunt moment...

I pulled fifty-five hours at work this week, and while I am pretty exhausted (and slept really well every night this week after coming home like a sore mess), I am grateful for the opportunity to pull the extra hours, for the boss who sees potential in me and asks me to be on his team for extra hours, and to be able to earn money that I need for bills, and extra for fun stuff for the summer. Hoping to squirrel away some of that overtime money and maybe plan a fun little weekend trip with the nieces.

Today, we have a vet appointment for Zelda to get her feline leukemia vaccination booster. After this, she will still have to be quarantined from the positive cats for a little while, until the vaccine is fully effective - but this is the beginning of the end of having to have cats in separate rooms, with separate feedings, and I'm looking forward to my schedule being a little bit easier because of it.

The rest of the day will consist of Pokémon Go with the boyfriend (we are seriously such nerds, but I love it and wouldn't have it any other way), and then dinner together at our favorite new restaurant near us. I have been looking forward to eggplant parmigiana and spaghetti all week...

17 May 2018

work hard, play harder... later.

I was very much looking forward to my day off today. I was going to go for a walk (if it ever stops raining... why does it rain so much here? Did I accidentally move to the tropics? What is going on?!), spend some time working on the blog, catching up on other peoples' posts, finding awesome new blogs to follow, cleaning parts of the house...

But then the boss happened.

"You're working with me tomorrow in East Stroudsburg."

Of course I am.

The thing is, I'm fine with it... and the overtime will be amazing on this next check, and I will be happy in two weeks that I did this, and have money to spare (knock on wood), and that I can do this before I step down at work and lose money (which will be entirely worth it in the long run, let me tell you...). But I was psyched for this day off, and now I won't have one until Wednesday (I was also volunteered to work on Saturday - which I requested off a month or so ago, because it's Charmander day on Pokémon Go, and I need a shiny... shh, it's nerd-speak. So I'll dip out around noon on Saturday).

The money will be worth it, the money will be worth it, the money will be worth it. So many people I know complain about never having any money, never being able to get ahead, always being broke. "Well, work is offering overtime this week - how much of it are you taking?" "Oh, no, I won't work any extra." Well, I will... and I will enjoy what that little bit of extra money allows me to do.

15 May 2018

my mind and weight loss

Two weeks in to eating better again, and my clothes are starting to fit better. I think it's about time to start shopping for a bathing suit for the summer, but I have no idea what I want, and I kind of hate shopping in general, but clothes shopping is the absolute worst. I feel like being overweight my entire life has made me a little bit terrified of dressing rooms, of clothing stores, of trying to look good. I have let myself become fairly frumpy as of late, because I really haven't seen the point in doing anything to sort of doll myself up.

I own one pair of jeans that fit... a few plain t-shirts that fit well... a few slightly nicer shirts that are kind of too big at this point... one pair of pants that I can wear for work, that I just wash every other day or so... and several work shirts, most of which are too short, so I just wear the two or three that are long enough to cover my mid-section, and wash them constantly.

I don't want to spend money on clothes that won't last me particularly long anyway. I don't really go anywhere, other than out walking, or to work. My social life is basically non-existent - the extent of my really going out somewhere is meeting my brother and his friend for dinner twice a month or so, at a casual bar. I don't need new clothes, right? I don't need anything other than my bare minimum clothing, especially just what I need for work.

I keep using the excuse that I'm losing weight, and buying clothes would be really silly, when I'm not going to be wearing them for long. But really, I think I am just far more self-conscious than I care to admit, and bothered by my body, and frustrated with the way clothes fit. I've come so far from where I was two years ago, but when I look in the mirror, I still usually see that even-bigger girl, and it makes me sad, and angry, and makes me feel like giving up.

Maybe one day my brain will catch up to my body. I know that realistically I have lost a bunch of weight, dropped at least two pant sizes, and look better than I did. But my emotional side just can't see it, and hates the way I am, and is terrified to buy clothes, or attempt to be cute, for fear of looking the same as I used to.

14 May 2018

daily routine

basically...
I feel like I am far too tired, far too early in the night lately. Then I sat down and really thought about my daily routine, and realized - I'm surprised that I'm not passing out earlier!

4:30 AM.
Wake up! Usually run to the bathroom first thing.
4:35 AM. Take the dogs outside to go to relieve themselves. Usually we aren't out for long, because they seem to have no real desire to be out that early in the morning...
4:39 AM. Take my Thrive pill, throw on my DFT, and mix my shake. I know I'm supposed to take the pills before I hop out of bed, but I feel like the pets will be constantly knocking them off of my nightstand, so I just do it as soon as I get to the kitchen in the morning.
4:40 AM. Start taking care of the cats! Scoop litter boxes. Feed three separate groups of cats (the five leukemia positive cats are together in the main part of the house, Zelda is still quarantine since she is negative, so she gets fed in the master bathroom, and the two tiny foster babies are in a big dog crate in my room). Try to pet/love everyone if they're interested. Medicate any pets that need it at the time - currently it's just Zelda who needs a dose of antibiotics in the morning.
4:58 AM. Run down to the basement to empty the dehumidifier.
5:00 AM. Sit down and try to catch up on Facebook, this blog, randomly browsing Amazon - usually to shop for pet-related goodies. Drink my Thrive Lifestyle mix somewhere in here.
5:30 AM. Make sure the boyfriend is awake, see if the dogs feel like going out again.
As needed: Empty the dishwasher, sweep the floor around the litter boxes, clean up cat vomit (Andy's sensitive stomach is loads of fun), grab dry laundry from the basement.
6:00 AM. Get dressed for work. At least I just have to wear a navy blue polo and khaki or black pants. Getting dressed is easy when there are literally no options, right?
6:20 AM. Leave for work! Maybe stop and hit a pokestop along the way if I gave myself enough time, because let's face it - I'm a giant nerd.
6:55 AM. Arrive to work, moan about what didn't get done the night before, go on a wild goose chase for my work equipment.
7:00 AM - 12:00 PM. Work! Stock shelves, fix things, lift heavy things, be annoyed because no one else seems to hear the calls for help over the walkie talkie - so answer those - lift more heavy things, try to figure out who taught these stockers how to stock, maybe cry in a corner if the day warrants it.
12:00 PM. Lunch! Basically an hour to vent with co-workers, and eat.
1:00 PM - 4:00 PM. More work! Tying up loose ends, attempting to make the department not look like a tornado hit it, probably lift more heavy things, respond to more calls that have nothing to do with my own department.
4:00 PM. The sweet release of "time to go home."
4:15 PM. Usually, when I finally clock out for the day if anything needed to be done. Occasionally go to the gym at this point. Otherwise, head home!
4:45 PM. Arrive home (if I haven't gone to the gym). Take the dogs out - if it's not raining or freezing take them on a real legitimate walk.
5:00 PM. Kitty duty. Again. Litter boxes, feeding three separate groups of cats. Yell at the dogs to stop eating cat food.
5:15 PM. Feed the dogs.
5:30 PM. Cook dinner. Usually takes about half an hour if I'm legitimately cooking something.
6:00 PM. Eat. Sit at the table longer than I need to, because wow it feels nice to just sit.
As needed: Sweep the house, run down to the basement to empty the dehumidifier, run a load of laundry, do dishes, clean countertops and the sink, vacuum the bedroom and guestroom, clean up dog and cat toys from all over the house.
7:00 PM. Take dogs out again.
7:15 PM. Shower and pajamas, if I haven't gotten to that point already yet. Once this happens, I'm not going out anywhere. I'm done. In for the night. Sorry, kids.
8:00 PM. Climb into bed, and hope for thirty minutes or so of peace. Just me, the dogs, and "Parks and Recreation" or "The Office" if I'm lucky.
8:30 PM. Dogs out. Again. Because if I don't take them out a bunch of times at night, I will wake up to messes all over the floor. Sighs.
9:00 PM. Usually passed out by now. Wake up a few times to the sound of the dogs whining to go outside, my bladder yelling at me to get up, or Zelda screaming for attention.

I was actually starting to wonder why I was always so tired so early in the evening. After all, I take Thrive, and it's supposed to give me this amazing all-day energy. And then I realized - it does give me amazing all day energy. Pre-Thrive I would have been useless after a day at work, and have come home and barely been able to function, so there's that... And now? I sleep like the dead usually, minus a few times that the animals manage to wake me up during the night for one reason or another (whereas I never used to get a good night's sleep before).

Looking at this, though, no wonder I'm exhausted. I thought about getting a second job, but I have to laugh - when? When could I possibly work in another job?

13 May 2018

Mother's Day

I find Mother's Day to be a hard day to deal with. My mother passed away almost eighteen years ago, and I am not a mother - despite wanting it more than anything, I mean, unless you count fur-kids. The worst is having to go to work today, and people just trying to be kind by wishing you a Happy Mother's Day, when you would really just rather be home, or at the cemetery visiting your own mother, or really anywhere but surrounded by strangers who just don't understand. They mean well... I know that they mean well... but it somehow doesn't help me to feel better.

I'll put on a smile, and be happy for my friends as they spend time with their mothers, or as their kids given them sloppy handprints on construction paper, or flowers on popsicle sticks. I am genuinely happy for those who have a reason to celebrate today...

But that doesn't mean I can't be a little sad for me today, too.

12 May 2018

the shift of my generation

I see and hear quite a bit from older generations talking about mine, insulting us, saying we're lazy or complaining about the way companies are changing to better suit the current needs of the people. I say: What would you have us do?

Mine is the generation that will need two incomes to raise a family - and that's without any sort of extra frills. Mine is the generation who will find new and easier ways to do things, because we have to work so hard just to stay afloat. Your generation pushed us all into college, into bettering ourselves, and now many of us have degrees that were obsolete the moment we stepped across that stage at graduation.

You say we're lazy for ordering everything online, for wanting things here and how - but we don't have the time to wait. We don't have the time to spend hours at the grocery store on Sunday mornings. We have to get to work just to survive, while Uncle Sam comes knocking reminding us that we need to pay back that money for that time we spent in college, that we aren't even using for anything... while the medical bills roll in telling us that "oh, that wasn't covered by your insurance, so you owe us a thousand dollars for walking into our establishment." You act as though we live off the government, but I have never received a dime - despite being penniless and having to sleep on a friend's couch at one point, and having to rely on the kindness of friends who gave me canned food to live.

You act as though it's a bad thing that jobs are eliminated that just don't make sense anymore in today's society, while new jobs are created for those willing to change and adapt with the times. You act as though companies have some sort of moral obligation to pay someone to do a job that doesn't even need to be done anymore. 

My generation watched everything change. We grew up on rotary phones, and having to look things up in real hard-copy encyclopedias. We learned to use a card catalog in a library. We learned to type on a typewriter. And now, the world is literally at our fingertips. The world changed so quickly, that companies disappeared one by one - they just weren't ready for the change. They refused to adapt, to rethink their business model, to become what today's world needed them to be, and now they're gone. They're empty shells of buildings, sad reminders of the blue light specials and giraffe mascots of my youth.

Yet you tell us we're lazy, we're not good enough, we're not as strong as your generation.

We are just here trying to survive.

Four week challenge update

I believe I am about ten days into my four week eating better challenge (I lose track of time these days, and it's crazy). I've only cheated twice - once because I kept feeling faint and dizzy, and while I've never been diagnosed (I hate going to doctors), I started wondering if I was having some sort of blood sugar issues, so I allowed myself to eat a small amount of candy one day - just like four jelly beans, a roll of smarties, and a few dinner mints (spread out over the course of the day). And then I allowed myself to have a small sliver of cake yesterday during a co-workers going-away party/baby shower. Ten days in, and I have dropped a decent little bit of weight... People are noticing that my clothes are fitting differently already. I am getting compliments on how good I am looking again. I am feeling amazing, and my energy levels are through the roof. I am knocking out 16,000+ steps on a daily basis.

I'm proud, especially because I have managed to make some lifestyle changes, including cooking more at home. I go through phases... sometimes I will cook every day for a week or two straight. Other times, I live on takeout and frozen cheese pizza. This week, I have made Buddha bowls, veggie fajitas, baked spaghetti with vegan sausage... I have packed lunch for work every day, and other than a day that I thought I needed a little something extra - and grabbed a wheat bagel - I have stuck to just eating the healthy options that I packed. I just need to keep up this momentum. I need to keep kicking butt for the remainder of this month and wrap up this four-week challenge in a big way.

My goal is to re-lose the twenty pounds I gained back, by the end of this month. It's a huge goal... an enormous goal... but I think I can do it. I'm more than halfway there already. I can do this...

I can't wait until the end of the month to share my before and after picture from this month. It will be amazing - just you wait!

10 May 2018

Animals



Somewhere along the line after going vegetarian, I somehow became even more of an animal lover than I was before. I've always loved animals - I was obsessed with dogs as a kid, and the only sporting event I cared to watch on television was the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Now? Now there's something different in me. Realizing that eating meat was not the right choice for me somehow changed my way of thinking about all animals.

Snakes still terrify me, but I wish no ill will on them. If you had asked me before, I would have been okay with killing them to get them away from me. Now? Oh, I will panic if I see one, but I don't want them dead. I just want them to hang out somewhere else, far away from me.

Spiders? I've never been afraid of them, and am actually okay with sharing my home with them. While I also wish no ill will on other insects, spiders keep that population down, by doing their normal, natural spider job - and I am okay with that. I am okay with other insects in my house, unless they are in some way harmful to myself or my pets (sorry ticks and fleas!). If I don't want them here, I catch them and take them outside.

We sell live fish at my job, and it drives me nuts. Live fish for pets, of course... but when they are delivered and end up dying almost immediately, my heart breaks. When the vendor is careless and doesn't check the water levels before dropping them off, and that causes them to die, I am both sad and angry. Those poor creatures didn't ask to be dropped off in water with conditions where they couldn't survive - and yet they were, and it killed them. I don't generally care that it means we lost money in sales - I care that innocent little fish lives were snubbed out because of greed and lack of compassion for living creatures.

I am more and more convinced every day that I should have gone to school to become a veterinary technician. I've heard that the money isn't great (but to be fair, the money isn't great doing what I do either), but it would be so much more rewarding than what I am doing now. To feel like one is making a difference in the life of an animal is the greatest reward - and to be able to do that on a larger scale than I currently can would be amazing. But I am broke, and have old student loans that still need to be paid back before I can even considering doing anything else with my life... I fear I may just be destined to live life of helping animals on a much smaller scale, taking in special needs cats as spots open up in my home (we're all full here - and I can't take advantage of my landlord's kindness in letting me have the pets I want to have), and I will foster and save kittens if I can.

I am far from perfect - I still have lifestyle changes that I should make to be even more kind to animals (trying to quit dairy is next on my list, I think. I just love cheese so much, though... I did give up regular milk years ago and turned to almond milk). I need to start buying eggs from local farmers with happy, healthy chickens...

But I am proud of my baby steps. I am proud of being vegetarian for over two years (though I was pescatarian for about half of that time, but I am trying really hard not to eat seafood anymore). I am proud of the cats I've been able to save from the euthanasia list. I am proud of how far I have come.